Blog for
Chris Lauzon - Therapist, LICSW

One of the more common requests I hear as a therapist sounds something like this: "Can you hold me accountable?" At face value, it makes perfect sense. If someone is struggling with motivation, consistency, follow-through, or personal growth, it seems reasonable to want another person to help keep them on track. The challenge is that therapy and accountability coaching are not always the same thing.

There’s a quiet moment most of us recognize—though we don’t always name it. It’s the pause after something small stings. A comment, a tone, a forgotten gesture. In that moment, we have a choice: speak, or store. Too often, we store it, and that’s where the snowball begins.

When we think about a healthy relationship, many of us picture closeness: shared time, shared experiences, shared goals. Partnership certainly includes those things, yet one of the most important ingredients of a truly healthy relationship is something that may seem counterintuitive at first; individual growth.

Open your spice rack. Notice what’s there. Not just the garlic powder and sea salt, but the jars tied to chapters of your life. The cumin from the relationship where you learned to cook for two. The chili flakes from the season of intensity. The specialty blend you bought because they liked it. Some of those spices are years old. If you unscrew the lid, the aroma is faint. The color is dull. The potency is gone, yet we keep them.

So much of our emotional energy gets spent managing how we are perceived: what they think, how we “come across” to others, whether we said the ‘right’ thing. It’s understandable, we’re wired for connection, but when we orient our inner world around external judgment, we slowly lose touch with ourselves. What you think about yourself matters far more than what they think about you.

The repetitive and monotonous airplane directives from your friendly flight attendant instructing you to place your oxygen mask on your face