“I’m Trying To Feel Confident” Vs. Feeling the Confidence

Persona versus true confidence

There’s a significant difference between acting confident and with a persona and genuinely feeling confident. Often, we’re taught to “fake it ‘til you make it,” adopting a confident persona in the hope that the feeling will eventually follow. While this method can be a helpful starting point, it can also create a disconnect between our outward behavior and inner emotional state.

Many of us don’t actually know what true confidence feels like—because we’ve spent so much time performing it, not embodying it. We’ve become skilled at mimicking the behaviors: standing tall, speaking clearly, showing up boldly. But beneath the surface, the inner dialogue might still be running wild with doubt and fear:

“You don’t belong here.”

“You’re going to mess this up.”

“They’re going to see through you.”

“This won’t last.”

These thoughts can coexist with the actions of confidence, creating an internal tension—a kind of emotional dissonance. You’re doing the “right” things, but the emotional foundation isn’t yet aligned.

So what does it mean to actually feel confidence?

It means slowing down enough to become present with yourself, using your Tool of Self Awareness, to notice the small wins (Notate using 10-15/2), the moments when you handled something with grace or clarity, and let those moments register. It’s about recognizing your growth in real time rather than only chasing the next milestone. It’s also about self-awareness—paying attention to the inner voice and consciously shifting the narrative when it becomes self-defeating.

Confidence isn’t a performance; it’s a relationship—with yourself.

Try not to just go through the motions of confidence. Instead, get curious about what confidence feels like in your body, your breath, your decisions. Notice when it starts to take root. Maybe it's subtle: a quieter mind, a sense of groundedness, a moment where you trust your own voice without seeking validation.

As you step into new ways of operating—whether in your career, relationships, creativity, or healing journey—invite the actual feeling of confidence to grow with you. Let it be part of your transformation, not just the mask you wear while changing.

Feel the confidence. Get to know it. Let it become familiar; and offer yourself some grace and kudos.

Chris Lauzon, LICSW

Therapist

Boston, Massachusetts