Blog for
Chris Lauzon - Therapist, LICSW

When we think about a healthy relationship, many of us picture closeness: shared time, shared experiences, shared goals. Partnership certainly includes those things, yet one of the most important ingredients of a truly healthy relationship is something that may seem counterintuitive at first; individual growth.

In many of my previous posts, we’ve talked about the importance of self-awareness, recognizing our needs, and learning to pause before we react. When we do this well, we give ourselves the opportunity to choose intention rather than simply operating on emotional autopilot. But, let’s be honest, even when we know the tools, certain environments can still catch us off guard. Here is a tool for this, I call it The Visual Mantra.

Open your spice rack. Notice what’s there. Not just the garlic powder and sea salt, but the jars tied to chapters of your life. The cumin from the relationship where you learned to cook for two. The chili flakes from the season of intensity. The specialty blend you bought because they liked it. Some of those spices are years old. If you unscrew the lid, the aroma is faint. The color is dull. The potency is gone, yet we keep them.

It’s rarely spoken that plainly, of course. More often it arrives dressed differently, polished, casual, or defensive: “You’re in a bad mood.” “You’re overreacting.” “You’re taking that too personally.” “You’re being difficult.” “You’re always such a downer.” These statements show up everywhere, not just in romantic partnerships, but among friends, family members, colleagues, and even passing acquaintances. They often land as conclusions rather than invitations.

Motivation “A” might involve adjusting a sleep schedule, working toward weight loss, reevaluating substance use (cannabis, caffeine, alcohol), improving diet, reconsidering social circles, or intentionally engaging in activities that promote connection rather than isolation. The specifics vary, but the origin is similar: an external pressure, expectation, or consequence prompting movement.

Have you ever looked at your relationship and thought, “We’re both here… but I still feel lost”? Like you’re in the same harbor, but somehow you can’t quite see each other clearly? I call this the Relationship Fog. It’s that hazy place where you still care, still want to be close, but communication feels clumsy, misunderstood, or distant, where you’re trying to navigate connection, yet something old and familiar is steering your wheel instead. Let’s talk about it.

The shift from summer to fall is beautiful in many ways, but it can also be deceptively draining. The end of summer vacations, less time with friends and family, shorter days, diminishing sunlight (and vitamin D), the start of the school year, the return of colder weather, and the looming weight of major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas; all arrive at once. Add to that the closing of another calendar year, and suddenly, what once felt abundant and energizing begins to

Picture this: an old crosscut hand saw, lying on its back. The flat spine rests against the table, and the jagged edge, the teeth, points upward at an angle. Imagine tracing your finger along those teeth from one end of the saw to the other. It's not a smooth line. It's not soft or easy. It's jagged. Sharp. Uneven. Yet undeniably, the motion is angled up. This, in many ways, is the visual metaphor of our journey through mental health and well-being.