Blog for
Chris Lauzon - Therapist, LICSW

One of the more common requests I hear as a therapist sounds something like this: "Can you hold me accountable?" At face value, it makes perfect sense. If someone is struggling with motivation, consistency, follow-through, or personal growth, it seems reasonable to want another person to help keep them on track. The challenge is that therapy and accountability coaching are not always the same thing.

Anxious attachment often changes that experience. Instead of walking the road, we find ourselves standing still, scanning the horizon for danger. We wait, and while we wait, we carry the weight. Many folks carry this weight daily, without realizing how heavy it has become. In healthy relationships, trust allows us to place our feet firmly on the country road ahead. We move forward knowing that uncertainty exists, but we continue anyway.

There’s a quiet moment most of us recognize—though we don’t always name it. It’s the pause after something small stings. A comment, a tone, a forgotten gesture. In that moment, we have a choice: speak, or store. Too often, we store it, and that’s where the snowball begins.

When we think about a healthy relationship, many of us picture closeness: shared time, shared experiences, shared goals. Partnership certainly includes those things, yet one of the most important ingredients of a truly healthy relationship is something that may seem counterintuitive at first; individual growth.

It’s rarely spoken that plainly, of course. More often it arrives dressed differently, polished, casual, or defensive: “You’re in a bad mood.” “You’re overreacting.” “You’re taking that too personally.” “You’re being difficult.” “You’re always such a downer.” These statements show up everywhere, not just in romantic partnerships, but among friends, family members, colleagues, and even passing acquaintances. They often land as conclusions rather than invitations.

Have you ever looked at your relationship and thought, “We’re both here… but I still feel lost”? Like you’re in the same harbor, but somehow you can’t quite see each other clearly? I call this the Relationship Fog. It’s that hazy place where you still care, still want to be close, but communication feels clumsy, misunderstood, or distant, where you’re trying to navigate connection, yet something old and familiar is steering your wheel instead. Let’s talk about it.

Let’s talk about the very fine line between “loving someone well” and “loving someone out of fear.” It’s a line that gets crossed more often than we realize, sometimes in the name of care, sometimes in the name of connection, and often without us noticing until tension begins to rise or space becomes scarce. If you’ve ever felt smothered in a relationship, or just as importantly, recognized you might be the one doing the smothering—you’re not alone. And it’s worth unpacking.