Blog for
Chris Lauzon - Therapist, LICSW

One of the more common requests I hear as a therapist sounds something like this: "Can you hold me accountable?" At face value, it makes perfect sense. If someone is struggling with motivation, consistency, follow-through, or personal growth, it seems reasonable to want another person to help keep them on track. The challenge is that therapy and accountability coaching are not always the same thing.

Old Mental Muscle once served an important purpose. It helped us navigate difficult family challenges, relationships, environments, expectations, disappointments, life transitions, and fears. It became efficient because it was practiced so often. From both a clinical perspective and a neurological one, these patterns become deeply familiar neural pathways; the brain’s preferred route. The path of least resistance. Imagine this Old Mental Muscle as a massive six-lane highway

When we think about a healthy relationship, many of us picture closeness: shared time, shared experiences, shared goals. Partnership certainly includes those things, yet one of the most important ingredients of a truly healthy relationship is something that may seem counterintuitive at first; individual growth.

Motivation “A” might involve adjusting a sleep schedule, working toward weight loss, reevaluating substance use (cannabis, caffeine, alcohol), improving diet, reconsidering social circles, or intentionally engaging in activities that promote connection rather than isolation. The specifics vary, but the origin is similar: an external pressure, expectation, or consequence prompting movement.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” is one of those phrases that sounds unquestionably wise. It’s well intended, even protective. For many people, especially those already carrying shame, self doubt, or a harsh internal dialogue it can be a helpful reminder to return attention inward. But, like most aphorisms, it becomes less helpful when we treat it as an absolute.

So much of our emotional energy gets spent managing how we are perceived: what they think, how we “come across” to others, whether we said the ‘right’ thing. It’s understandable, we’re wired for connection, but when we orient our inner world around external judgment, we slowly lose touch with ourselves. What you think about yourself matters far more than what they think about you.

Most individuals are taught that growth should be decisive, consistent, and flawless; if a person is going to change, they should do it “all the way,” if they are going to care for themselves, they should “do it right,” and, if they are going to meet their needs, they should do it “always.” YET, that very mindset often becomes the thing that keeps us stuck. If you’re in a mindset of exploring your needs, especially after stress, loss, burnout, or transition, I want to gently

Imagine standing on the stage of your own mind, and a voice calls out: “Let’s make a deal!” Here’s the offer: You commit to staying 80% in the present, and only 20% in the past or future. Not as a punishment. Not as a restriction. But as a gift to your present self, the only “you” that can act, change, breathe, and respond. Let’s break this deal down.

Consider the presence of internal dialogue, self deprecation, and cognitive distortion as opportunities to learn and grow.