Sometimes Is a Good Start
- Chris Lauzon, LICSW
- Dec 19, 2025
- 3 min read
Most individuals are taught that growth should be decisive, consistent, and flawless; if a person is going to change, they should do it “all the way,” if they are going to care for themselves, they should “do it right,” and, if they are going to meet their needs, they should do it “always.”
YET, that very mindset often becomes the thing that keeps us stuck.
If you’re in a mindset of exploring your needs, especially after stress, loss, burnout, or transition, I want to gently invite you to go easy on yourself. Not as an excuse, not as a way of avoiding growth, but as a way of making growth possible!
The Weight of “Always”
The word always carries a quiet heaviness. It leaves very little room for being human.
When we tell ourselves:
“I should always be doing better.”
“I should always know what I need.”
“I should always follow through.”
“If I don’t do this consistently, what’s the point?”
…self-judgment (“should, could, would”) tends to follow closely behind.
Perfectionism often disguises itself as motivation, but in practice it can shut down curiosity, risk-taking, and self-compassion. It turns exploration into evaluation and suddenly, instead of listening inwardly, we’re grading ourselves.
This is especially true when we begin to explore our needs.
Exploring Needs Is Not a Performance
Understanding your needs is not a test you pass or fail, it is not a checklist you complete, it is a process. The process is one that shifts over time, across contexts, and alongside life’s changes.
As you explore, you may notice three common areas:
Revisiting what you already know works:These are the familiar ways you’ve met your needs in the past. Routines, boundaries, activities, or relationships that once helped regulate you, ground you, or bring meaning.
Noticing what no longer fits:Something that once met a need may no longer do so, and that doesn’t mean you failed, it means you’ve changed.
Trying something new:Novel ways of meeting needs often come with uncertainty; Discomfort. Awkward first attempts. And yes, self-doubt.
This is where the “always” mindset tends to speak the loudest.
“If this works, I should do it every day.”
“If this doesn’t feel perfect, I’m doing it wrong.”
“If I can’t keep it up, why bother?”
Sometimes Is a Good Start
Here is the reframe I often offer: “Sometimes is a good start.”
Meeting a need occasionally, still counts. Trying something imperfectly, still matters. Showing up inconsistently, is not the same as not showing up at all.
Sometimes you’ll meet your needs with intention.
Sometimes you’ll forget.
Sometimes you’ll choose rest.
Sometimes you’ll choose avoidance; hopefully intentional.
Sometimes you’ll circle back.
…this is not failure, this is being human.
Growth doesn’t require “always” it requires acceptance of the persistence to keep returning.
Making Room for Gentleness
When self-judgment appears, and it will, see if you can respond with curiosity rather than criticism.
Instead of:
“Why can’t I just do this consistently?”
Try:
“What made this harder today?”
Instead of:
“I should be better at this by now.”
Try:
“What support might I be missing?”
Instead of:
“If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point.”
Try:
“What would ‘good enough’ look like right now?”
Gentleness does not mean lowering standards, it means adjusting expectations to reality.
Permission to Be in Process
You are allowed to:
Need reminders
Relearn old tools
Try new approaches slowly
Change your mind
Take breaks
Start again
You are allowed to meet your needs in ways that are messy, evolving, and incomplete.
Sometimes you’ll get it right.
Sometimes you’ll get it close.
Sometimes you’ll just get started.
And sometimes, “sometimes is a good start.”
So as you explore your needs, go easy on yourself, let curiosity lead more than judgment, and let progress be measured in persistence. You don’t need to do this always, you just need to keep giving yourself permission to try.
Chris Lauzon, LICSW
Mental Health Therapist
Boston, Massachusetts
