Recognizing Dysfunction & Reclaiming Your Path

Recognizing Dysfunction

One of the most valuable tools we carry is our Tool of Self Awareness. It allows us to pause, notice, and truly reflect on what is happening both inside of us and around us. When used with intention, self-awareness can shine a light on dysfunction in our social circles and/or family systems, especially when what we are experiencing falls short of what we would want for ourselves.

Oftentimes our Old Mental Muscle (trying to protect us) pushes us to ‘feel’ responsible for others. Long-standing friendships, familial ties, or ingrained relational patterns can create the sense that we must hold things together, smooth over conflict, or carry the emotional weight of the group. But here is the truth: there is a profound difference between ‘feeling’ responsible and ‘being’ responsible; who pays the tool?

The Burden of the “Peacemaker”

Dysfunction in groups can take many shapes, but one of the most common roles people get pulled into is that of the mediator or peacemaker. This role may feel familiar and even automatic (Old Mental Muscle), but it often comes at a cost:

• Self-sacrifice of your own time, energy, and needs.

• A thankless responsibility that rarely results in real resolution.

• Ongoing conflict that leaves you depleted rather than fulfilled.

  
  

Living in this role can prevent you from moving forward on your own intended path of growth; needs unmet.

Releasing the Weight That Isn’t Yours

One of my main goals for the folks I support is to remove conflict, not by fixing everyone else’s dynamics, but by giving them permission to step back and reset their own boundaries.

It is more than OK to say:

• “I don’t have the mental bandwidth to hold space for this right now.”

• “This request makes me uncomfortable.”

• “I need to step away from this conversation.”

  
  

Boundary-setting is not rejection; it is an act of self-preservation and clarity. When you reset your boundaries, you are teaching both yourself and those around you what you are capable of holding, and what you are not. You are far more likely to be attentive, present, engaged, and compassionate when you are free to maintain control of your boundaries.

Returning to Your Own Growth

The path forward is always about you. Where are you headed? What do you need to thrive? When you stop taking responsibility for the functioning of others and begin prioritizing your own needs, you step back on your path, and grow.

Your Tool of Self Awareness is there to remind you:

• Dysfunction doesn’t have to dictate your role.

• You are allowed to prioritize your growth over group obligations.

• You always have the ability to reset and reshape boundaries.

  
  

Remember, your growth matters; your peace matters. Your role is not to be the glue that holds everyone else together, it is to build the life that aligns with your intended path forward.

Let's create some New Mental Muscle together.

Chris Lauzon, LICSW

Mental Health Therapist

Boston, Massachusetts