Blog for
Chris Lauzon - Therapist, LICSW

Somewhere along the road of growing up, many of us absorbed a lie: that life is a pass or fail test. You're either doing it right, or you're doing it wrong. Success or failure. Approval or rejection. We internalize this binary thinking early—at home, at school, in relationships—and it follows us quietly into adulthood like a shadow. But the truth is: real life happens in the gray. And that’s where the grace is.

When we think about conflict in relationships, we often imagine explosive arguments or long-standing feuds. But what can be just as damaging (though far more subtle) is conflict avoidance. That creeping tension that builds up when couples sidestep tough conversations, suppress small annoyances, or habitually say “I don’t care” to avoid disagreement. Over time, this kind of emotional evasion can erode connection, breed resentment, and spark fights over seemingly trivial things

In my work as a therapist, I often describe our Tool of Self Awareness as one of the most powerful tools in our emotional toolkit. It’s the flashlight we shine inward to identify what’s truly going on inside us—our needs, our desires, our feelings, and our emotional patterns. But becoming aware is only half the journey. The other half—perhaps the more courageous part—is learning how to share what we discover with others. That’s where there is value in vulnerability.

There’s a significant difference between acting confident and with a persona and genuinely feeling confident. Often, we’re taught to “fake it ‘til you make it,” adopting a confident persona in the hope that the feeling will eventually follow. While this method can be a helpful starting point, it can also create a disconnect between our outward behavior and inner emotional state.

When individuals are caught off guard, feeling back into a corner, they are very unlikely to actively listen or participate with sincerity.

The repetitive and monotonous airplane directives from your friendly flight attendant instructing you to place your oxygen mask on your face

Experience Intentional Processing through The Tool of Notation, allowing yourself to stay present in the moment, and growth later.

When we remain silent regarding our needs, in this case how we best learn, we present risk for Judgement of Self & External Conflict.